So yesterday,
i confessed my past to a friend
my past is not something that i would like to remember of
because whenever i opened my story
i hurt
but because he is my friend and a guy who i care about
i end up telling him a honest story
the truth about me and what happened to me back then
and yes. i knew he can't handle it
he just so frustrated
the way he expressed his frustration makes me sad
sad because i thought he is a friend accept me and who i am
but i understood why he do that
because he never believe what people said about me
what people talk bad about me
he just won't eat it
i appreciate he did that
but soon after i told him everything, he frustrated
fine. i get it. i'm not a girl who you should defend of right ?
i'm not that worthy. i acknowledge the fact
my story, i only told this about only to 5 person
and as far as i know, they accept my past as it is.
i realize me is not that worthy for such acceptance
because i do hate myself back then. and even now
1# mandag
told him this and that
he gave me such a very meaningful advice
he was so nice to me
he asked me after some day of my breakup ' are you okay today '
just by that word, i was crying.
i was hopeless back then, and he gave me the spirit to get up
thank you.
2# sam
she had her own past
i bet she understand what i'm going through back then
we both have history ourselves
but it was different kind
me involved someone
and she involved something
even so, i knew that she's better than me
all those advice, thank you.
3# wong
he is my boyfriend
of course i need to tell him
my past, my attitude
he need to know that
and i told him
for God sake, thank you
he accepted me as who i am
even i maybe doubted it little bit
but he never bring that up.
his past
bluntly, he told me everything
the honesty he gave to me
that is important most
and i'm fine with it
i can't change the past
neither mine nor his
thank you sayang.
4# yaya
she know something about me
she asked, i told
she is my friend who i trust so much
just like everyone. she likes me as i am now
no matter what i do, she still with me
thank you.
5# aru
see aru, i told you everything i can
even it's a lie, i knew you just believe it
i don't care how much you mad at me
but you won't know how much me mad at myself
so much
so much that i would take back what i said to you
if only i know the truth hurt you that much, i would lie
but what can i do. i'm just being honest to my friend.
you are my friend
so you need to accept me for who i am
but please, don't make a fool out of yourself again
defend for me. that is the last thing i need from you
just don't
i'm sorry.
mom dad my family. they are the person i need to apologize to
and i just not strong enough to accept the consequences
so i'm just being quiet about this.
this is a secret which i won't tell anybody else anymore
enough of this.
let this secret reveal itself at Padang Masyar.
because i don't wanna lost my friends, even one. NO.
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